Shunned by Linda A. Curtis

Author:Linda A. Curtis
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: She Writes Press
Published: 2018-05-07T04:00:00+00:00

Later that week, Lory called to say hello and found me at home, cooking dinner, surrounded by boiling pots of water, colander at the ready, fish wrapped in foil, fresh vegetables waiting to be cleaned and chopped. I’d been so down in the dumps, I’d eaten nothing but takeout food for several days. I’d finally had enough and had sought refuge in my own kitchen. It was a warm way to fill an evening, doing something I enjoyed. Just pulling it all together lifted my spirits, a tangible accomplishment. I chopped and stirred while sipping a pleasant merlot. It was such a contrast to feel some pleasure, and the relief allowed me to let my guard down. I told my sister of my struggles to get through the season, how extreme the weather was, how I didn’t want to do anything but hole up in my apartment, hibernate like the bears, wake when it was over. I confided in her about my growing professional insecurities—all those zeros, doubting my abilities, and wondering how long I could keep it all up. I said nothing about breaking up with Steve, but my agony was unmistakable.

I also said nothing about the therapist I’d consulted who’d told me I was in the “emotional boomerang” of processing a divorce, a cross-country move, a new job, and a change of religion. No kidding! It was her professional opinion that I was strong enough to get through this; it was also her professional obligation to write me a prescription for Prozac to ease the intensity. I had been carrying her scribbled note in my folio, beside my loose change and grocery list, reluctant to cash it in at the pharmacy.

“I’ve never heard you this distraught,” Lory said.

“Distraught?” I continued. “You want to know just how distraught I am? I’ve even started to miss being married to Ross.” And as I spoke, the awful truth of it caught in my throat. I hadn’t allowed myself to be this honest before, let alone to say this out loud. “It’s not that I miss Ross as much as I miss the comfort born of familiarity. You know, when another person knows you, your little habits, how you like your morning juice at room temperature, water without ice, silly things like that.” My voice trailed off.

“You need to go to the Kingdom Hall,” Lory said, jarring me out of my reverie. “Really. It would be good for you to go somewhere people are happy to see you.”

“Ah, yes, the answer to all my problems,” I said, our pocket of intimacy dissolving around me.

“Think about it. You’ve already made a few friends from there. True friends. It would help you get through the winter.”

“I’ll take it under advisement,” I said, effectively ending the conversation. It didn’t occur to her that I was making or could make true friends outside the congregation. I resented the idea that I needed to be fixed, that the problems in my life could be addressed by a trip to the Kingdom Hall.

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